This is Trust

From time to time, I try to fit God into the box of my mind. Like, “Surely, He has to be doing this”, or, “He has to mean this”, just so I could understand what’s happening. Because I feel like if I understand what’s happening, it gives me more control over what can happen next. It makes me feel more “comfortable”. When in reality, God doesn’t want me to be my own god. He doesn’t want me to govern myself. He knows, and even I know, that I can’t govern myself. I don’t like my way of doing things; I already confessed it. I confessed that I wanted Him to be God over my life, BECAUSE I didn’t like my way of living. And that’s what He wants too, to be my God, my governance, because He knows that’s what’s best for me. My view and understanding is partial, period. And that’s why I can’t lean on my own understanding; my understanding is incomplete. But that’s the very reason why I need to lean on His understanding, because His is complete. He is all-knowing. And, He doesn’t need me to figure out how His ways work; He just needs me to trust Him. A few days ago, He told me, “Take Me at My word”. His words are true. He only needs me to trust them. 

I’m learning that trusting only when you understand is not trust. That’s leaning on your own understanding. You are actively seeking to lean on your own understanding. “Leaning” being: relying on, trusting in, and being dependent on your own knowledge and understanding to move. “I’ll wait until I see more or know more-” when you already heard God. Take Him at His word. Because HE is the One who said it…THAT’S trust. It’s not comfortable when you have no idea of what’s happening, and all you’re thinking about is the answers… and not having them. But God gives us comfort in those spaces through His Word in all forms. And we obtain that comfort when we trust in His word; when we take Him at His word. 

God cares about relationship, not explanation or the “why”. He wants us to completely trust in Him, regardless of whether we know what’s next or understand what’s happening. Because this position of the heart clearly shows the trust we have in Him and the relationship we have with Him, which is the very thing He’s always wanted with us. He sent Jesus for this very reason… He wants a deep relationship with us, and for us to have a deep trust in Him. A genuine love. A genuine trust. And a relationship is how genuine love and trust can exist. Explanations don’t heal what’s broken in you; God’s presence does… a relationship with Him does. A relationship allows trust without full understanding. How? Because knowing God’s character is what shapes and forms the genuine love and trust that you have in Him more than knowing “why” ever could. And knowing who God is comes by way of having a relationship with Him; you get to know Him more through relationship. Therefore, as Jesus said, “Eternal life is knowing God”, and so, eternal life comes through a relationship with God. Life, living, and being healed come by way of a relationship with God.

I recently shared how I went to the dealership because I wanted a car, and I believed that God told me to go. It was one of those things where- Job. Job is the perfect example of what I experienced over the past month. I went to the dealership because I believed that God told me to go. And when I went, I thought that I would be getting a car, but as of right now, that hasn’t worked out. I had everything I needed, literally, but it all fell through. The reason I brought up Job is that when everything fell through, I lamented, questioned, and struggled to understand “why” God allowed this to happen, just like Job did. 

This was the first time I had stepped out on something of this magnitude. Growing up, with anything that was a big decision, I always left it up to my parents to resolve. And I spoke to God about this; I even questioned whether I should go to the dealership because I was anxious about making a decision this big. But I pushed past myself and my comfort zone to go to the dealership, test drive, and talk through numbers. I did it all, and I even enjoyed the process. But it all didn’t result in me coming home with the car I wanted. So I was angry, upset, and confused, and I questioned God’s timing; why not now? Why do I have to wait? I’ve waited for so long; why didn’t this happen? And I never said that I would turn from God. But, I simply forgot His sovereignty, just like Job did. I forgot who I knew God to be. It’s why God in Job 38-42 spoke to Job the way He did. “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the Earth?” Or, “Do you provide for the lion? Does the hawk soar by your wisdom?” God even told Job, “I will ask you, and you instruct Me.” Since you, Job, Marcus, question why I do the things I do, why don’t I ask you? Are you wise? You seem to feel like your wisdom and understanding is supreme… or, where do you get your wisdom from? 

I questioned God’s timing and was angry that I had to wait; confused about why I had to wait. Forgetting who my God is. Forgetting that He is sovereign, and good, and all-knowing. He acknowledges that even my questioning is understandable. Why do I know this, you ask? BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING!!! MY VIEW IS PARTIAL! And God knows that. And in this walk of faith, I also have to know that. I don’t know a lot of things… starting with my life; this new life He’s given me. I don’t know what trust really is… and so He wants to teach me what trust really is. This isn’t to say that, “AHA!!! This is the reason why I didn’t get the car!” No, I don’t know why I didn’t get the car that day, nor why I have yet to get a car. But what I do know about my God is that He is sovereign. He knows what He’s doing, regardless of whether I know. And I trust that. I know that He doesn’t care about a car, but He cares about me. This, all of this, is for me to know Him. In all of this, regardless of the “why”, forget the car; it’s for the edifying of our relationship and my knowledge of Him. That’s what all of our walks with God are about. Getting to know Him. Actually receiving and walking out our salvation, our saved and new lives, and life as we’re learning about it. Learning about Him and ourselves. Who we really are and who we are becoming. That’s it.

And even with my questions, He wants me to rely on Him. He knows that I will have questions; it’s understandable, expected even. Yet, He wants me to understand that yes, it’s okay to have questions, but never allow the answers to your questions become your new god. Never seek the answers to your questions more than you seek Him, God. Because when you do, you lose sight of the God you KNOW. He wants me to know and understand that trust in Him doesn’t require full understanding. It doesn’t require the answer to my “why”. I don’t need full knowledge to have secure and full trust in Him. I don’t. I just need to know and remember that He is God, my God. And that I can trust in Him because He is…

God.