A Harvest
I remember when I first learned about blogs and what they actually were. I had seen this video of a guy talking about why someone would need a blog, and it immediately spoke to me. This person spoke about how whatever you post on your blog has no limits. Meaning, its reach isn’t limited, ever. Where it goes, when it’s seen, who it impacts, who can see it; nothing is limited. And as I realized this, I knew I needed to have one. It was one of those things that seemed obvious, for me at least. Like God didn’t even have to say it, even though He did after I watched this video. It seems pretty obvious now, given in that time, I was someone who liked to journal.
Journaling was something that came easily to me once I started to do it. I started in high school, and I never forced it. It was one of those things where if I needed it, it was there. If I needed it. And I’d really only need it if I were heavy in thought or if I was struggling to understand how I felt. I easily grew to love sitting down and writing. And I have to stress this point for this post: it was never forced. As I write now, given that this space is live and available to anyone, anywhere, I feel this pressure: how do I deliver this space to people? And now I realize, it’s not even about that.
It’s not about performing, it’s about sharing my human experience walking with and striving after God. That’s it. That is what God told me to do. A piece of this pressure comes from me trying to force a performance; trying to look a certain way to people…assuming that I know what this space is. I have no idea what God is doing or what He wants to do. All I have is His Word, which is what I am doing now. And that’s enough. As you can see, clearly, that’s enough. Because I am doing it, His Word. That is all I needed. I don’t need to know the rest. All I know now is that He spoke.
The assumptions are a complete other thing. Assuming distracts, when you can move and know. It’s easy to go down a rabbit hole or assume why you’re doing something God asked you to do. Especially since most times, you have no idea why you are doing what you are doing, and you want clarity. But that’s what having faith is: doing what God said because He is the One who said so. The space where we feel like “Why?” can be answered with, “Because God said it.” This exemplifies trust, which you absolutely can have in God. He knows what He’s doing, we don’t. But we come into that understanding and clarity as we continue to do and be in His will and not our own.
I remember when God told me to start journaling again, and I felt afraid to because I had grown in my relationship with Him. And I thought writing would take me away from God because of how invested I was in it before God. Before, it was what I went to for clarity and peace, and now I went to Him for that. This has too much of my fear and thought on it. Because God said so. That’s why He said to start journaling again. And because He said it, is all that I need to move. So here I am, moving.
